Monday, May 27, 2013

Not Exactly Like Riding a Bike

Tuesday afternoon, I am staring at the monitor trying to write an essay. Many don’t know how I feel about writing, as it’s not something you tell people without getting seeing that twinkle of doubt in people’s eyes, the sudden change in the tone of people’s voice trying to say something nice or at least a non insulting suggestion to me regarding my passion for writing even though deep inside they believe that I am full of crap and this “writing” is just a phase.  The last thing I need now is having more self doubt weighing me down like an anvil strapped to my back and thrown in to the sea, for those who don’t know my self esteem  as it is,  is already at a record low in the whole history of my uneventful, mediocre life bordering on depression and unimaginable thoughts. So I am trying to preserve every ounce of self esteem left I have so that I don’t wake up one day, going full retard and start doing things I will later regret.  I always regret things I do or say. It could be the things I said, things I did or how I felt, at the end of the day, regret is what I go to sleep with.
I’ll tell you this. I envy people. I envy the nonchalant careless ways of people loving their lives as if everything is fine like a child in the arms of his mother. No one can hurt them, it looks like as if at that very moment they are invincible with no fear in their heart, everything just seem so fucking fantastic. I envy people who open their eyes every morning with a spring in their step, raring to face the challenges that come and come out of it unscathed. It’s like the entire population on this planet are superman. Or maybe they are mere mortals who think they are superman and they are oblivious to the impending doom. For some reason it feels like everyone is in the matrix. Why can’t people feel the pain, the troublesome reality of life as I see it? Could it be that the one who cares the most feels the most pain?
This definitely did not go the way I had envisioned it to be. My attempt to write or at least think of a topic to write about turned into this ridiculously dark, depressing journey through the corners of my mind. Always know that it’s there but never knew it’s this depressing. I had to stop myself from going too deep so that this wont sound like a suicide note or a note before someone goes out on a shooting spree or start sounding like a crazy person.
No I am not depressed in any way.  I just feel like I have to release all of this in order to get the juice going. Some sort of a emotional/creativity stagnant that’s in my way. Feels good.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

hujan = x boleh beli makan nak buka pose

arrgghhh...hujan...lebat pulak tu..mcam mana nak pg beli makan...dah dekat buka dah ni....jangan buka makan megi sudah

Friday, August 13, 2010


selamat berpuasa kepada semua..... aku baru beli soundcard x-fi extreme audio..... OOOUUUEEEYYEEEAAAHHHH~

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

blarrgh...akhirnya aku dah ada internet....

lama gila tak update...coz aku pindah rumah sewa kat shah alam so tak da internet.....akhirnya ada jugak internet selepas berzaman plan........WOHOOOO

Thursday, November 26, 2009

selamat hari raya....

selamat hari raya aidiladha kepada semua...tumbang jangan tak tumbang...!!

selamat memandu jangan lupa untuk berhenti rehat kalau letih kepada yang balik kampung...!!!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Chicks yang aku tak akan ada chance #2

Ok tak de idea untuk tulis post i hope this will do...the chick of the day is Marit Elisabeth Larsen , kalau rase pernah tengok dia dulu in a duo "M2M" Im not a fan "ehem".... She is not what you call a typically hot...but she's so adorable....hahahahah cair aku tgk....and she is a singer songwriter, and very good at it i must say......makes me think of rainbows and flowers....

Myspace <-- check out her music....its great

marit i lebiu~!!!!

images from

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Chicks yang aku tak akan ada chance #1

So aku dapat idea untuk tulis post a man i find myself drooling over hot these are the chicks yang aku cuma boleh imagine jer to meet and have a shot...setiap makhluk jantan kat luar sana buat benda yg jangan la nak tipu kata tak pernah...

So the first chick is tina nordstrom....
kalau korang rajin tengok food channel tak silap aku korang akan kenal minah ni...
I think she is hot...and she cooks...!!!!apa lagi korang nak??????
kalau ada yang nak lebih mmg tak normal la...